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Friday, 7 January 2011

It's January . . . .it's raining . . . and The Girl is . . . .

. . . running round the house iPodded up, and tunelessly singing, Hey Hey You You! I wanna be your girlfriend! courtesy of Avril Lavigne. Avril wants to go out with this guy because his current girlfriend is like soooo whatever . . . and I was telling The Girl that 'like' shouldn't be used as a verb or when quoting someone or to approximate (He was like what are you doing and she was like none of your business and it turned out that he was like . . hairy). The Girl looked at me and I could see she was thinking: Like whatever.

First resolution. Try to communicate with fast growing daughter without sounding prissy or anything approximating a cat's bum mouth.

Second resolution. (This one is really embarrassing) Stop having imaginary conversations with people who have wronged me. Or even worse imaginary conversations about events that haven't happened yet. This is like a major waste of time.

Third resolution. One of the many crap things about getting older is your wrinkles start spreading like cracks on a windscreen. I've taken a stand against this, not by making friends with my wrinkles which is the sort of shit beauty editors come out with (and I should know - I worked in magazines) or buying ANYTHING from Space NK with phrases like science and beauty combined or vectin or NASA in the title. I'm still smarting from buying shampoo by Oribe at £35!!! Yes I am a fool. And even more so when I checked the ingredients online:

sodium laureth sulfate, TEA-lauryl sulfate, lauramidopropyl betaine, cocamide MEA, glyceryl cocoate and disodium laureth sulfosuccinate.

Then I checked the ingredients for Aussie Miracle Moist, my usual shampoo at £3.99 Hang on while I cut and paste:

Aqua, sodium laureth sulfate, TEA-lauryl sulfate, lauramidopropyl betaine, cocamide MEA, glyceryl cocoate and disodium laureth sulfosuccinate, Tetrasodium.
Aussie Miracle Moist has more water in it and something called Tetrasodium. Apart from that - same ingredients.

I'm still smarting in shame.

Anyway I massively digress. But the thing about wrinkles is they advance very slowwwwlly like Burnham Woods in Macbeth. Before you know it you're surrounded. So I had a Botox jab before Christmas. I'm sure some of you are raising your eyebrows in disapproval. (I wish I could). However, it was done properly by a trained doctor and not by an orange faced lady waving a needle about. And the doctor herself gave me some very sensible advice. Never get your eye wrinkles botoxed, she said, because it's ok to have a smooth forehead, but if you smile and your eyes don't crinkle up, it looks weird. Really weird.

Went home and Husband deliberately started a row just so he could piss himself laughing when I tried and failed to frown. Ah well. It's New Year and I'm better botoxed than detoxed.


Juxtabook said...

I'm more flumoxed than detoxed I think.

Fran said...

Absolutely loved your Birnam Wood/wrinkles analogy. Fabulous. You are very funny!

Jane said...

@Juxtabook, I'm with you there! @Fran - you are kind. Do you really resemble the tortured and talented Christian Bale?

Fran said...

My beard is better than this.