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Tuesday, 1 March 2011

I'm Pregnant!

. . . and because I'm a celebrity my pregnancy is utterly fascinating and unlike any other book you may ever read about pregnancy and motherhood. Oh for fuck sake! Yet another celebrity is about to use pregnancy as a Marketing Device and write or pretend to write about her fascinating celebrity pregnancy.

I like Denise Van Outen. She seems like a woman's woman. But she's releasing a book in the next few days called Bumpalicious. It's 'much more than a pregnancy diary.' Right. It's a pregnancy diary with pictures! It should fit nicely onto the shelf next to Tess Daly's The Baby Diaries, (she was so emotional she threw cushions!) Myleene Van Klass's My Bump and Me (You will get bigger but don't worry!) and Jools Oliver's Minus Nine to One (Jamie's food made me sick!)

I don't know about the other two but Daly's book didn't sell. The DM with characteristic spite-disguised-as-concern said it might be because of her husband's unfortunate 'sexting' escapade which timed unhappily with publication. But - could the real reason have been that - women didn't want to buy yet another book about a highly paid celebrity blithering on about how 'ordinary' she is and throwing in a few references to farts or piles just to prove it, before skipping off to the Portland (which starts at £10K for a c-section.) You have nothing new to say and you don't say the unusual in an interesting or approachable way. So don't be surprised when despite your publicists paying about £40K to have your book displayed in Waterstones as 'bestseller' to see it in a few months, languishing in the remainders bin. The public are not quite as stupid as you think they are.

What are we going to have next? The Kerry Katona guide to parenting? Probably.


Hackney_bloke said...

Good point well made Jane.
And where are all the celebrity dad's guides - or just plain Joe dad guides come to that.
I think there are probably a few of us who would spend good money - or 30 minutes in Waterstones - to find out how Elton prepared for fatherhood, and what we could learn from him

Jane said...

@Hackney_bloke - I think there's a book in there!


1. Went to poor country.
2. Bought baby.
3. Er . . . .that's it.

Gillian said...

That blog title gave me a shock. Haven't stopped by for a while (life, busy, meh) and first reaction was, "oh!" Followed by "poor thing..."

For me, the thought of having another one now the first two can DO things for themselves isn't worth entertaining for a second!

Celebrity books > as if anyone would believe a word they say.

doublemeasure said...

You aren't pregnant. That's Carluccio's mushroom risotto in there, that is!